It's midnight, and the laundry room is crowded with bleary-eyed students, sipping coffee and staring blankly at books, notes, or computer screens, hoping that maybe they can somehow cram just a few more useless facts into their heads before they either start bleeding out of the ears from information overload or simply die of exhaustion. The halls were dead today. Rooms were locked, the normal ambient music was turned off; the only sounds were scratching pencils, clacking keys, and the occasional "Hey, can you shut up? I'm trying to study."
It's that time of year, folks. The time when teachers assign four or five papers apiece, students stare at empty Microsoft Word documents for hours at a time, the BBC does a roaring trade in coffee, and South Hall's beds could be burned as firewood for all they're being used.
Yep. Finals Week.
All things considered, though, life is good. I've had a pretty relaxing weekend. South Hall had their annual ugly sweater party, with white elephant gifts and hot chocolate. I got to see the choirs perform at Christmastide, which was INCREDIBLE. I attended a fancy dinner with Sierra to celebrate the performance and ate a delicious meal. I played a couple StarCraft matches with my little bro, nailing down a five-win streak. I got to laze around for hours watching Game of Thrones, although I'm honestly kind of mad about that. Two words: Red Wedding. I regret everything. I even got a free breakfast at 10:30 PM in the dining hall, with donuts and scrambled eggs and cinnamon rolls and all kinds of good stuff.
As far as exams are concerned, I studied for history all day today and have plenty of time this week to study for my other exams. I'm not particularly stressed. Life is good. Despite the terrors of finals week, I am happier today than I've ever been before.
So why am I so scared?
Two nights in a row now I've had horrible panic attacks. I don't know what triggered them, but both times I just suddenly felt this weird sensation of dread and the next thing I knew, I was curled up in a ball in my chair, crying my eyes out. I was scared to look over my shoulder, scared to open the door to the bathroom to splash water on my face and calm down, scared to turn out the lights and then climb into bed, scared to even open my eyes once I closed them. The next morning I felt totally fine.
And for the life of me I don't know why it happened.
But God is by my side, and I have friends who are here for me. And that's all that matters. I am content. Life is good.
What I've learned from my fears and the fear of finals: don't over-think things. You can't change the past, and worrying about the future won't make it any easier. What's done is done, and what will pass will come to pass. Learn to let God do the worrying for you. He is in control, even when you feel you aren't.
Song for tonight: Hope of Morning by Icon for Hire. A bit of an unusual piece for a rock band, but a good one nonetheless. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e_cbtp4Yo0
As finals begin, I'd like to kick them off with some quotes from the Lord of the Rings:
"Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends, and break all bonds of fellowship; but it is not this day! An hour of woe, and shattered shields, when the Age of Men comes crashing down; but it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you stand, Men of the West!"
For those facing their fear tomorrow morning, I wish you a sharp mind and iron nerve.
Goodnight, and good luck!
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